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Auld days in Kelty

by Just Jock 28 April

A Parody. in the Kelty twang

Oh whaur is thi Kelty whaur a yaised tae bide
Wi aw thi miners hooses aw staunin side bi side
Whaur ye kent evri neebor frae thi furst door tae thi third
Ain tae keep yer door shut wid hae bein awfae absurd.

Whaur air aw thi bairns thit plaid in thi street
Wi' a guidir, ain an auld tyre, ain a wee lassie wid aiwis greet
Kin thay stull cadge thi peeces aur drap aff a dike
Play horsey ma back, kick a can thirti, ain ithirs ye like

Ain whaurs Maggi Watson's shop thit a yaised tae bi
A stane o tatties, ain a tuppenny pie
Ain a bag o broken biscuits, ain a wee soda scone
Ain Maggi wid aye asked, "Hoose yer Mithir gettin on?"

Whaur ais Corrieri's icey shop thit a kent sae well
Ain Mario's cafe whaur thi yaised tae sell
Hot peas, a 99, chipped tatties in a poke
Ye kent he wis ain eyetie thi minit ay spoke

Dae ye mind thi ootside lavvys ais cauld ais a cell
Thi string wis aiwis aff thi cistern a remembir it well
I wid sit wi' a caun'le, ain keekit ait thi rags
A win fir Kelty Herts, ain defeet fir thi Jags

Whaurs thit single deckir bus thi ay did a ton
Doon thi Great North road on thi Burntisland run,
Thi clippi aye kent hoo tae deal wi thi Ballingry naff
"If yer gaun, weel come oan! ,,,,,,, If yer no, weel git aff!"

A think o' aw thi days o' ma coal board hame,
Thi hae aw fanci hooses noo bit thair nae jist thi saim
aull swop aw yer motorwis, flyowers ain yer car jams
Fir a tuppeny ride oan wan othay auld Kelty trams

Gaun is thi Kelty thit a yaised tae ken
Big Wullie, Wee Tiko, thi Goth ain thi Coop
Big Fatti Ross ain big hairy Tam the glaikit big dreep
Yer fitbas oan thi slates, ain yer gas in a peep

Thaise daes werny rosie ain thi muney wis tite
Thi pockit muni neer finishd bi Saterdae nite
Bit stull wi wid cum throo it, aw thi holes ain thi ruts
Thay reasin wis simpil......Thi Kelty folk aw hid guts!
JBR


14 December | 2:30:27

Mariapola Macovaz says

My dad (Andrew Stevenson - Lower Oakfield (1916 - 2000) always made us laugh with the following little poem he would read out:

The New Teacher

Is a dove a doo dad
Is a doo a dove
Is a cow a coo dad
A sparrow jist a spryug
Is a wall a waw dad
Is a dog a dug
She's gonna warm ma ear dad
Instead of skelp my lug
Ma teacher's awfy posh dad
She changes aw oor names
Wee Shuggie noo is Hugh dad
And Jummy's ayeways James

Ah'm scunnered wi it aw dad
The way she shoogles words
Ah must be glaiekit no tae ken
That feathered friends are burds
Ye learnt me aw wrang dad
Ye cawd a ball a baw
Your wife is now my mother
Ye said it was ma maw
Ah'm no shair hoo tae spell dad
Ah'll niver pass ma test
What is this am wearin dad
A simmit or a vest

Ah gave ma nose a dicht dad
When it began tae dreep
She gave me sich a fricht dad
Ah near fell aff ma seat
Haven't you a handkerchief?
She roared as if in pain
No, a jist yase ma sleeve Miss
And wiped ma nose again
Ah cawd a mouse a moose dad
Ah shid have held ma tongue
That's manure on yer bits dad
Nae longer is it dung

It's turnips and potatoes
No tatties noo and neeps
She said I'd ripped my trousers
When ah'd only torn ma breeks
There's twa words fir awthin dad
They're jumbled in ma heid
Hoo kin a be well bred dad
When ah keep sayin breed
Is a crow a craw dad
Is a bull a bul
Ah'll try tae get it richt dad
I will, I will, ah wull.

Description of Photo

Back Row

L/R Barry Robson Alex Stevenson Wendy Bunyan Sheila Peat Christine Hodge with baby Front Row

L/R Thomas Doyl (on Bike) Unknown Ian Drummond Mariapola Stevenson (with Musetta doll) unknown unknown Maurice Faulse on bike Seated

L/R Franco Faulse Phillip sisters Robert White Jimmy Campbell

Are any of you there and do you recognise yourselves? Let me know.

18 December | 1:38:21

Just Jock says

Great wee poem man

22 December | 12:15:45

Tam Anderson says

That poems is jist braw

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